As children we all fantasize and wonder about a great many things. The thing about which I fantasized, I always felt was different, because it was more than fantasy. It was emotion that responded in the moment. It was thought like I had not had previously. At the time it felt as though this thing I could see all around me was real, it was just that I had to be in the right frame of mind to see it.
The things I saw were ribbons of colour in the air, blue and red ribbons. Some had electrical charges to them, like lightning bolts dancing on their surface. There was mist and cloud like formations of emotion. It was as though I could see emotions swirling in the very air before me. Some of the people around me had red auras, with dark tint. Others were green, brown, purple and light blue. There seemed to be a bigger amount of blue and red people than the other colours. They seemed to me then to be opposites. The red people were not very happy, whilst the blue people seemed to be relaxed and feel well.
At the time it was more than likely just a real great fun experiment of fantasy, one of many I made. Looking back on it though, it almost seems as though my mind was teaching itself, or as though I was expanding my consciousness without really knowing it.
Anyway, I have never been able to fully explain to others why I feel so special, why so different. When I look upon most people I feel as though something is missing within them – something is not as it should be, yet when I look in the mirror the thing that’s missing – what ever it is – is not missing within me.
I have many different theories for what this missing thing in others might be. Such as: a connection to the inner self, or a deeper sense of self. I don’t know what it might be, but I do know that I feel very clearly that there is something special about me – something which sets me apart from other people. At times it’s as though I can sense that there is something I have to offer that others do not. That there is something I can do, something I can understand – there is simply something about me.
There are of course times when I wonder about the validity of all this, of speaking of it and thinking about for myself. After all, I remember quite clearly that I wanted very much to be different as a child, I wanted to be special, I wanted to be different. I have never liked being part of a crowd or being like someone else. I wanted to be me, to have some kind of power, or understanding that no one else had.
This makes me think back on Seth and Abraham, the idea of my wanting having created this over time. It is fully possible I admit. I also think it is very likely.
I sometimes imagine myself on an Abraham-Cruise and getting to ask a question, the funny thing is, I hear an answer in the back of my mind, or perhaps it is more accurate to say that an answer seemingly arrives within my mind, from a vast endlessness that seems to funnel into the back of my mind. Anyway, I hear these answers as though Esther were before me, complete with Abraham using her voice in that strenuous manner of theirs. The answers are insightful, accurate and reflect Abraham’s teachings like a mirror.
On this particular topic the Abraham in my mind responds: “There is what you have realised; a beginning want, which drove this forward for you, but there is also the connection to you higher, broader self. When you feel this happy awareness, when you are feeling this sensation of being special, THAT is the time that you have opened the gateway to your broader self, however briefly, and the love your broader self feels for you - flows onto you, you see. Love makes us feel special, it makes us feel very good. AND love from the higher being, this great limitless affection is so powerful that you cannot deny it! And so you say – “I feel special, for my broader self cares so very much for me!” There is great love There for you...”
When I hear these answers within me, there is like a chime of emotion that rings to me: “This is true, believe this!” and I feel a swelling sensation in my chest of an emotion chorus that fills me with joy.
The question of what it is that I can do that not many others are able to, I think has to do with mind and emotion, the blending of them to be specific. I do not have thoughts so much anymore; I have what I would categorize as insight thinking. Those who have had truly powerful insights know that there is more emotion to them than thought, more sensation than thought.
Because Insight has so much information, because there is so much condensed thought within Insight, that without it may have taken months, possibly years to comprehend – instead the insight hits you with it, within the space of a second.
Imagine now, that you could tap into this kind of sensation-based thought. That you could on a daily basis be mostly quiet, or still within your mind and then every now and then have this kind of sensation of thought. That is very much the way my mind operates, it is how I “think”. I sense or feel my “thoughts” rather than hear them.
So my mind is not a jumble of words or images, it is instead a flowing stream of conscious sensations, within which you find the corresponding words. I think, but I do not have words in my head in that sense, I sometimes slow down thought and verbalise them in my mind – though rarely.
This kind of sensation-based thinking has more than a few bonuses. For instance, your emotions are far more adapt to processing understanding within seconds, than your mind is. Your mind is incredible at processing what you see and hear, and if you’ve got a system – as I did in my childhood – you can come to understand things automatically that might take others a few minutes perhaps hours.
With sensory thought however, you are utilizing a kind of thinking which mimics how the emotions process information – what we refer to as insight – and because of that, what you can learn about another person within the first seconds of a meeting is quite staggering. Naturally you have to keep in mind that you are more susceptible to influence from your own emotions about this person than you otherwise would be – but – instead of needing to translate your sensory perceptions, there is a form of direct comprehension taking place. It does require you to trust this feeling, this sensory thought, as effortlessly as possible. Which I will grant, is not always easy. I have on occasion wanted so badly to like or wanted so badly that this other person and myself should “work out”, that I ignored the sensory warnings, and the insightful thoughts that it wouldn’t be a good idea.
Sometimes you become so lonely that you’ll really agree to a great deal of trouble and pain, just to have someone there. It’s a relief to be alone, rather than with an abusive person – no question. But, when you’re in that lonely space in your mind, it just takes over and you just want someone so badly...
Of course, that never works out. Loneliness is a terrible place to start a relationship from, because you tend to rush it, you tend to rush ahead in your emotions without truly feeling them and instead being quite happy with just their auras.
Sensory thought is in spite of this just so wonderful. The understanding that can come to you in a single glance at a wall and a question on your lips – literally within seconds you have an answer. There are no words I can use to describe that feeling, of understanding rushing through your mind, like a spreading tingle. It is just such a phenomenal feeling to have.
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