I don’t like the summers, and the summers don’t like me very much either. There are too many smells, too many colours and far too many insects for my tastes. In particular wasps and bees, i do not like them Sam I am, I do not like them even dead and canned.
Climb mountains, go hiking, sailing, surfing or any other such inane activity – I’ll leave to those of you who cannot apparently sit still. No, none of that even slightly, appeals to me it all seems rather – unenlightened, uncivilised and downright fool-hardy. I do not care for it at all.
The more astonishing thing for me though, is the major amount of people on the net that seem to at least try and portray that they have this ridiculous need to move about in such ways. Why? Why are so many people online so busy trying to make everyone else online think, that they aren’t really that online – they are merely passing through on their way to whatever next adventure they have on their list.
Am I truly the only one who thinks these people need to either stop kidding themselves, or get on with their lives and stop taking up space on the net?
I mean really, if so many of these “Mr./Miss right seekers” have all of these things in their lives that makes them so cool, like “I like the hit the pubs” or “I work out a lot” or “I have an adventurous spirit”.. I feel like looking at them and saying “What the bloody hell are you doing here then? Shouldn’t you be picking people up at the pub, on the journey or at the gym? Why are you online?”
I don’t understand it. Very many people seem to not want to come off as “lonely” or “desperate”. OK, why not? What’s wrong with being lonely? What’s wrong with being desperate? Yes, you’re vulnerable. Yes we can observe your emotional nature and yes, we may have a greater chance to actually know you. I don’t see the negative side of this at all.
Why is it, that when I go about trying to find some new person online to talk to, to strike up a conversation with to perhaps make friends with. Why is it that on these community web pages, I come across account after account of people who list their hobbies or interests as: “working out”, “travelling” , “hanging with friends” , “going to the pub” , “going to parties” , “some sport-thing they do” .. Why is it that I come across these so much ONLINE? How come there aren’t people who state “blogging” as an interest, or “checking on the web” or “playing on my Xbox” or “looking for pleasant conversations online”. Why is it that all the interests people list, have nothing to do with being online or being alone or wanting contact?
It’s as if people think that talking about travel, sports or parties is really cool, and sure, it’s cool topics – when you’re fifteen, possibly even eighteen. But why is it that people in their late twenties talk about this? I keep waiting for my co called “peers” to wake up, to smell the coffee and realise their not teenagers anymore. The real questions about life, love, ideas and desire – I hear almost nothing about these. No true intelligent conversations about philosophy, religion, wonderings and emotion. It’s hardly ever mentioned. I just don’t understand it.
What’s wrong with wanting to stay home and watch a movie? What’s so uncool about enjoying sitting quietly and reading for a few hours? What’s so terrible about not enjoying silly parties that are more or less always the same? What’s wrong with enjoying intellectual conversation? What is it that is so embarrassing about enjoying to blog, chat, play games or “surf” the web?
It bothers me more than a little bit that this is so. I admit i am quite annoyed by this phenomenon, far more so that I should be. I am really getting annoyed over things that really don’t need to be part of my experience at all. But I think the reason for that is double, I recognize my own past folly in it, and I feel as though they are letting themselves down. That they are hiding who they are, behind “cool” words that may not be true at all.
I can’t really answer why this gets under my skin so much, I can’t provide an accurate reasoning for it or explain to you why this is so important to me. Why don’t I just move on? Why not steer my own attention away from it? Good questions and valid ones as that. But i think the emotional answer to it, is that I feel personally offended by it all. The reason for that is that I remember a time when it wasn’t like this. When people actually did talk about how much they liked being online. People frankly spoke about not having lives.
Then suddenly there seemed to be a strange sort of foolish, and almost stupid progression happening. A different sort of crowd was entering the web. I saw it happening, the beginnings of the “party, travelling freak” who just has to get online because it’s something a lot of people are doing.
I miss the earlier days, when people weren’t afraid of talking to one another online and the conversation topics spun around and merged freely.
Today it feels bogged down, there is no real courtesy left on line anymore. The fools of “real life” have joined us in the nether world of fibre optics and they’re mucking it up – as usual.
What truly bothers me is that it just makes it harder to connect to anyone; it makes it more difficult to find good conversationalists and nice company. Once it was fun and exciting that you might find someone to connect to, perhaps be friends with – perhaps more. I guess it’s that, that makes me the most annoyed.
The real-lifers have turned the online experience more or less a mirror to their ordinary lives. Whilst we who began it all, wanted to just escape reality and connect on a closer, intimate path over mind-melds and conversations. Sharing ideas could lead to friendship even brotherly or sisterly love. We who came to the net in search of a place where the rules and odd ways of the “real world”, couldn’t reach, those of us who found reality unhelpful and made on-line into the meld of minds it was. Those of us who wanted to create an artificial place where new rules and more easily understood behaviour could be used. It was our guide and our help to locate others like ourselves – to connect to others who were lonely.
I makes you want to ask the “regulars”, why they did it? Why did they choose to muck up the net with reality nonsense and duplicity?
I have taken on quite a few names or ideas about myself throughout the years, from Satanist, Chat-freak, Emotionalist, New-ager and Realist to Dominant, Goth, Average, Loner and even a “Neat Freak with propensity for Laziness”. Have I myself ever said that I like to climb, when I don’t? No. Have I claimed I like travelling even though I despise it? No.
I fell that the reason I referred to myself in so many ways is simply a progression of ideas about my identity. A myriad of ways to explain what i felt and thought. I was trying desperately to find a group in which to belong, a name for that which fit onto me – like so many others seemed to have. I have gone beyond that kind of labelling now, however. I don’t really refer to myself as anything, barely even human. I don’t consider that i have a nationality; I’m a citizen of the world.
As I have pointed out in previous posts I have fluctuated greatly in my sexuality throughout my youth. Wishing and wanting to be gay, thinking I might be bi-sexual and having to cope with being Heterosexual and yet – Not. I think it is not the gender that turns me on, but rather a certain kind of individual, a certain kind of behaviour and a certain kind of natural openness. The reason I have a natural preference for women i think stems from the idea that men tend to be more towards the forceful side rather than the co-operational. It is simply statistically easier to find a woman whose traits I find interesting or a turn on, rather than a man – and to a degree I believe my emotions and desires have taken that into effect.
Now, some might be wondering about the title of this post, and no I haven’t really come to that part of it yet. Yes, I know I write quite long entries, it’s who I am. I tend to write fairly long responses in emails, chat sessions, posts really of any kind. It’s more or less an automatic to me to simply type that’s which I am thinking in this precise moment, without any real gauge as to whether or not it sound correct or If I’m giving away too much information.
I am however going to centre in on the title now, you see I wanted to discuss and perhaps relate the kind of adventure I have on a daily basis, without actually going anywhere – because they are adventures of consciousness, belief and emotional thought. I can also visit many tropical location without going to them, simply by watching a documentary about other people going there, but where as I get to just enjoy the beautiful scenery and still lavish in the comfort of my home. Those people have to deal with bugs, sweltering heat, trekking up mountains, stones in their shoes, bad weather, waiting on crowded terminals, stressing to catch planes, busses or trains. None of which I need bother myself with.
I listen to lectures about science, history, religion, metaphysics, art and even on occasion basics of everyday life. I have discussions with Sanna about most of them. We drink tea and sit quietly together in front of the computer as it purrs away and regales us with lectures and documentaries, having some buns, or cookies perhaps, while nestled next to one another and commenting on the strange ideas some people have. To me this is wonderful; it is an extraordinary lovely time. But to actually go to places, would ruin it horribly with all kinds of minuscule problems and annoyances.
Now, you might be asking: is their nothing about travelling you like? Well, yes truth be told, there is. Driving. I love to just drive. You know get in a car, and simply take a spin in the country side, drive down dirt roads and see where they lead – or simply drive around a bit and perhaps stop by some fast food joint on the way. Certainly that kind of travelling I’m very much for. I also like to take walks, especially in forests. Ah, to smell the pine forest, to listen to the wind and the swaying of the trees. To walk aimlessly through local towns and discuss the houses I see. Yes, I like that sort of “travelling” very much indeed. But that’s not really travelling is it, because I don’t actually “go” anywhere as such. It’s more enjoyment of a certain kind of quiet and laid back motion rather than a destination.
So while I do spend a lot of time just sitting at home, in front of the computer or playing a game, or listening to a lecture or documentary. My life is still not boring, by any stretch of the imagination. It’s just calmer and more, still. That’s not boring, it’s healthy – stress hardly ever affects me. And as a part time hobby I try to breed different kind of plants. Though the most success I have is with flowerless plants – lots of green. I don’t particularly like flowers, their smells or their bright colours; it’s just not my thing. They also tend to die on me.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I hear the kettle calling me.
Bye.
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